I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
