I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
