I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
