Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
