The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
