Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
