I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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