yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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