he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
