So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
