I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
