Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
