I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
