Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
