I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
