Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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