Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
high people should be assigned attendants
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
