Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
