Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
