Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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