I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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