Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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