You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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