I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
