Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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