ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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