good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
