Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
