Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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