How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
