how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
