so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
