Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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