I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
