so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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