remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
