Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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