Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
