my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
