You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
