Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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