....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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