Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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