Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
