you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
