i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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