Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
