i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
