i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
