HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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