never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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