I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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