i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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