think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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