he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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