I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
