2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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