Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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