Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
