A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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